bitterwaitress

As someone who reads hundreds of books a year, the majority of the pleasure reading being of the romance novel variety, finding a new author to treasure is akin to finding a chef who marries flavors so well you could cry. It doesn’t happen all that often, and even more rarely when an author is only starting out. With that thought in mind that I turned to the first page in this book, written by identical twins with much experience behind an apron, and I quickly discovered, natural skill behind a keyboard. I tossed the book into my backpack to read between classes and soon after I read the first page I realized how much trouble I was in. There was no way I could wait until my next break to finish the chapter, let alone the entire book. 

For anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant - or any service job really - and been made to suffer the self-important attitudes of patrons and management alike, this book is for you. The heroine of the story, an up and coming executive, sure never intended to find herself standing at the end of tables full of patrons critiquing everything from her appearance to her knowledge of obscure ingredient growth patterns. Yet in much the same manner as anyone finds their way into the restaurant world, that’s exactly where she suddenly must put herself in order to pay the rent. At that make or break point in life, a person can really uncover who they truly are, a fact that Erin realizes when she has to make some tough choices and face some rough home truths. Dealing with arrogantly skilled chefs, their over-stressed and oftentimes juvenile actions, and owners who know it all even as they know nothing is a requirement in the industry, and poor Erin’s completely out of her element. Luckily the cast of characters present in every restaurant is there to help. The fabulously gay aspiring actor who can turn the most dour table into well wishers, the lifer with achy feet who has never known anything else, the brooding server who just knows he could do it all better if he was the owner. With them in her corner, how can Erin fail to please the boss or the psychotically demented manager? 

I devoured this book the way a nightclub girl devours a short stack and coffee in the wee hours of the morning. Like the finest of restaurants, this book definitely earns its stars. 

MiC

Taco Boy is a Mexican restaurant I visited on both of my trips to South Carolina.  It is located in the coastal city of Folly Beach, SC (outside of Charleston).  

The food (as I’ve mentioned) is Mexican in theme and very fresh and tasty.  Both times I went I had Cadillac margaritas which weren’t pricey at all (around $7-$8) for the amount of alcohol in them.  A lot of times when you order a margarita somewhere you feel like you’re drinking a glass of sour mix with just a little touch of tequila.  That’s definitely not the case here and I can be pretty picky about my margaritas (having worked in a Mexican place myself for over 6 years that didn’t even use sour mix).

We started with the salsa trio on the appetizer menu.   The chips were fried and salted perfectly, and there were three salsas (hence the word, trio) to try.  One was a salsa fresco, one was a corn salsa, and one was a pureed smoky chipotle tasting salsa.  They were all excellent and I had to force myself to stop eating so I wouldn’t ruin my meal.

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If you’re spending the day walking around the city of Charleston, South Carolina I definitely recommend stopping into Gaulart et Maliclet cafe restaurant for a mid-day snack. It’s also known as “fast and french” by locals and is a perfect place to stop and get a light lunch or snack.

I am an absolute sucker for anything with a French theme so there was no way I was going to pass up trying it out. It was hands down my favorite place in Charleston (and I only had a snack!).

You enter and are seated at a counter with other parties (very informal but it adds to the charm). There are daily lunch specials, soups and sandwiches, and of course wine.

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I’ve been meaning to host this for awhile. I hope my table service is okay. I’m more of a banquet guy these days.  I’ll add a few more in a day or two. 

Jose hooks up the man at Waiter Rant Show’s you that your best friends in the business are behind the line. Which excludes most chefs. Who are often more concerned with a different kind of line. I’m still sort of wondering what a deluxe blowjob is though.

Well Done Filet enjoys the questionable perks of appearing in the Daily Mail. All press is good press. Except radio. Radio interviews can be very, very bad. Still these sorts of write-ups make you do a double-take and what you think you’re doing sometimes. Like publicly humiliating people for tipping poorly….that still feels good.

And over at Dine in or Take out, we’re reminded that tipping is what separates us from the animals. Or the men from the boys. Or the deluxe blowjobs from the regular one? Make sure to expand and read this post through…the section on “borderline elitism” really hit home.

An investigation of Chili’s hiring practices from January awaits you at Don’t Tip the Waiter . Even months later, it’s true that you do have to dumb yourself down to get a decent job sometimes. Now mind you I said a decent job. Do NOT confuse that with a “real” job. You’re not ready for that.

Ali at El Vermino Boulevard writes a post which almost demands that I make a “going to the dogs” joke. But I don’t do well with demands. And like Ali, I don’t really do so well with management-imagined schedules and super-slow nights that threaten to get busy.

In the Seafood Department, they think I’m a woman . Cannot imagine why.

Bitchy waitress tells of an unusually hungry patron. Hmmm…wonder why he was so hungry? Hope he didn’t get pulled over when he’s fumbling around for change for the toll.

Dogs seem to be coming up in a lot of posts this (well, last) month. Upset waitress is no exception.

Finally, I always like to stop by Eater where I am reminded that New Yorkers’ love to use the term “foodie” when the rest of us would say “self-absorbed.” Oh wait, I’m one of them.Did someone say something?

Genus & Species: 

Hostess Idioticus Anorexius (Bulemius)  

Native Habitat:   

Fine Dining Establishments in large urban areas. Hostesses have also been spotted in select nightclubs. They tend to be individualistic and rather territorial. Selective breeding has also resulted in above-normal height. Distantly related to Hotel Concierges (Accomdatus Sycophantus Extremus) and more closely to Coat Check Girls (Garmentus Protectus Attentus). Some similarities exist to Prostitutes (Sexualis Gratificus Anonymous) but no conclusive links have been established. 

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“A chain-smoking grandmother comes in with two grandchildren. A girl and a boy in the age range of about 8-10 or so. It’s not busy and they get waited on right away. They put in orders for chicken fingers for the kids, etc. While waiting for their food, the children decide to make paper airplanes out of the paper placemats. I’m down front with a line at the cash register and at take-out, but I can see them. They make airplanes out of their placemats, then proceed to run around the place collecting placemats from unoccupied tables for more airplanes. Grandma smokes and ignores them. I fume. Once they’ve amassed a small battalion of airplanes, they commence running around and around as if they’re in a playground, throwing their airplanes everywhere while screeching, laughing and generally having themselves a great time getting in the way of servers and disturbing other patrons. Grandma continues to remain passive and unfazed….[read]“

“Mr. Gallagher is a frequent patron of the finer dining establishments in Cleveland, and well known amongst the servers as a “shitty tipper”. He is a consistent 12% tipper…[read]

I recently visited San Diego to meet a friend I had not seen in some time. I hoped to cap the visit with some excellent cuisine. After perusing some menus online, I ended up using Open Table to book a table at Bertrand at Mister A’s on 5th Avenue.

On account of booking at the restaurant’s dinner opening time of 5:00 (one of us being on East Coast time) we were able to secure a window table with views of the harbor area and airport (window views are parceled out on a first come, first serve basis and there was not much competition at said hour). The view added a great touch to the evening (particularly at sunset).

Perhaps the hardest part of the evening was selecting the appetizers to begin with—the potential options run the gamut to include lobster strudel, sautéed black tiger prawns, and an “A’s Style” macaroni and cheese (for the curious, that style would be emince of black truffles and white truffle oil).

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It’s a dreary day in Brooklyn, and I like it. I should be at a therapy sessions but they decided that my insurance ran out and I decided that my patience ran out. My patience has been running out a lot lately - shame I have no more therapy left to address that. Maybe I’ll have to start being honest with people again, which is a hideous thing. For them.

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Out of staff it seems.

Currently (a rainy 2/18) three ads on craigslist for key positions:

Manager at Buddakhan

Sushi Chef, Sous Chef and  Maitre d’ at Morimoto

starr jobs!

Sure ain’t like Philly, is it Steve? 

update:  2/21/08 - well, the ads are back…..

It seems like a simple enough question. This restaurant is here to make money, right? Well, if you think that, you fall into one of two camps:  people who don’t know the business at all, or people who know the business and are pursuing another agenda.  In other words, the purpose of a restaurant can never really be to make money. At least not a fine dining establishment, although the specialty market is ripe with per-square-foot profit (think Starbucks). 

Let’s look at the first group - the newbies. Lesson number one folks:  restaurants operate on razor thin margins (yes, I’m being understanding. Not compassionate, because you should know into what you have gotten yourself ) If you are going into this business with less than a full year of operating expenses you are going to fail, at least in any major market. Well, probably any market. Perhaps if you own the property outright you stand a chance. But not likely. You will not have counted on the numerous fines you will receive for violations you didn’t know existed. What? The kitchen guys have to wear hats? Unless you’re staff are skinheads, then yeah.  

You will probably resist accepting the fact that 10% or more of your gross will fly, saunter or vanish out the door - as theft, loss or comps. You will operate under the delusion that the customer is always right. You will look over your business plan - you have one, don’t you? - and wonder why the consultant who convinced you to fork over $200 an hour  for their services failed to include these relevant facts. You will believe the Aloha/Micros/Squirrel/etc. rep. when she or he tells you their system cannot be out-smarted by your service staff. You will nod, glassy-eyed when they offer to pre-program in important things like Pink Squirrels, Sazerac’s and a host of other unused cocktails into your system for a mere $100 an hour. (Let me translate that for you:  it’s 10 good plates, a case of decent Zinfandel for a house pour, or a fraction of the violation you will get for not having someone with a Food Handler’s Certificate on premise.) Then they will dangle all those modifier keys you will need, like “lite salt.”

You wear your naivete on your sleeve. 

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