bitterwaitress

Part One: What Not To Wear On a Job Interview

Considering most servers I know are relatively intelligent people, I’m usually pretty shocked about what people choose to wear for restaurant job interviews.

So…just in case anyone was wondering….

What Not To Wear

Jeans. No. Bad jeans, bad!

Flip flops or stripper heels. Flip flops are too casual, and any heel over two inches makes you look unpractical and fussy.

Anything too revealing. Guess what? Your cleavage may not impress everyone. You’re more likely to turn someone off by too much cleavage than you are turning them off from the lack of cleavage. A hint of cleavage is the absolute line, and if your girls are too big for a tasteful hint, then air them out after you get home. On that note, the only bare thighs I want to see are of the chicken variety.

Ripped, stained, or torn clothing Even stylishly ripped, stained, or torn clothing is out.

Copious amounts of facial piercings. Don’t make them ask if the piercings are “negotiable” the minute you sit down. Even worse, you could get turned away the minute you walk in.

Anything that is far too tight and gives you a muffin top while you’re standing.

A fussy suit. You want to look professional, but you don’t want to look like you’re heading to a wedding reception afterwards.

Too much jewelry. Leave off the eighteen rings, sixty bangles, and six-inch hoop earrings. Bling is for the bar.

Too much cologne or perfume. Especially if its cheap cologne or perfume. Then don’t even bother putting it on. Even better, take the bottle outside, dash it the ground, and stomp on it.

Gobs of obviously expensive designer clothing. I once interviewed a guy who was quite possibly wearing a $3,000 or $4,000 outfit. It turned me off pretty quickly (well, his attitude helped). It all just screamed “Pretentious!” to me, and I wondered if he’d be too dainty and fussy to pick up a dishtowel.

Crazy manicures. Two-inch-long, bright orange nails are something of a hindrance to waiting tables, no?

Tons and tons of “interesting” makeup. Cat eyes are for the club, and no, blue lips are not cool right now.

The “messy bun”, or any equally careless hairdos. If you can’t bother putting your hair in a nice bun or a simple pony tail for an interview, what will you look like for your shifts? Also, if your hair is longer, pull it back for the restaurant interview. It shows that you have the basic understanding that your hair will need to be pulled back while working.

A computer case, a huge back pack, or a purse that could hold a complete set of Encyclopedias. A small briefcase, messenger bag or purse is all that’s necessary. Something that can hold your wallet, a pen, and your resume. And why the hell do you need your laptop at a restaurant job interview, again?

That’s about all I can think of for now. I would think for your “average” restaurant, if you dress simply and professionally, and avoid most of the What Not To Wear guidelines, you’ll make a good impression, appearance-wise. Caveat: If you’re applying to a strip club, rockabilly diner, or college frat bar, feel free to disregard any or all of the advice above. Particularly the jewelry, hair, and boobie advice.

Its possible I have unrealistic standards these days, but the next time someone strolls in for an interview wearing torn jeans, flip flops, a low-cut, tight spaghetti-strap tank top, with their hair in a messy bun and an overly done, obviously fake French manicure, I may just say “Thanks, but no thanks. Skanks need not apply.”

I can’t imagine I’m alone in my expectations. I’d say a good half of the applicants I interview turn me off immediately by appearing completely unprofessional. They could have an impressive resume, but I know I’m not alone in judging by appearances. Appearances mean a lot in this industry - you don’t have to be perfect or strikingly beautiful, but you gotta be well-kempt. Okay, being strikingly beautiful helps. We’re not exactly an industry of the hideously ugly.

So, in an effort to help the well-meaning, but fashionably inept applicants of the restaurant world, I offer some much-needed advice:

What To Wear

You can’t go wrong with -

The Basic Interview Outfit. When desperate, it can be attained at Walmart for cheap. (Just make sure to wash the stink of desperation off first.)

Men:

Black pants, a button-up shirt, a tie, and black shoes. Hair neatly combed. A sweater vest works, too. Acceptable alternatives are gray or khaki slacks.
If you’re applying to a funky, hip joint, wear a jazzy, bright tie. If you’re applying at a stuffy fine-dining restaurant, wear a simple, monotone tie, and perhaps a jacket. Lastly, if its a catatonic corporate chain restaurant, you can probably ditch the tie (and disregard any other advice here for that matter, since the sixteen-page personality quiz will give them all the information about you they need).

Women:

Black pants or knee-length black skirt, a button-up blouse, dressy flats or low heels. Hair neatly combed (preferably pulled back if its past your shoulders). Acceptable alternatives are nice blazers or a nice sweater.
If you’re applying to a fun and fabulous fusion restaurant, toss on a colorful silk scarf and dangly earrings. If you’re applying to a five-star restaurant, keep the jewelry simple and gold.

Lastly, bring a damn pen with you. It is the most sought-after accessory of the season.

Coming Soon Part Two: What Not to Say on a Restaurant Job Interview (And why “Because I love making customers happy!” is not an appropriate answer.)

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