Sorry, no free refills. - The Menu Cover

Hell night. Long rant.

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Published on August 3rd, 2010 11:12 PM

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The restaurant I work in has gone through a bit of a transition in the past few months. We had three really solid waitresses, ...

Stop Coddling the Whiny, Bitchy People

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bitter

Published on April 24th, 2010 07:35 PM Number of Views: 2403

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Having one guest or one couple leave pissed off is a far better business decision than coddling these people with free coupons, discounts etc. Here's why, for all the sub-par management who may be reading this in their Men's Wearhouse suit during their six hours off this week.:

1) It's not TV. One negative letter doesn't fictionally represent the opinions of nine additional people, as was the old model with TV comments.

2) "OMG they are going to pillory me on the Internet" No, though they may try. It is not in the interest of sites like Shitty Search and Yelp! to publish too many negative reviews as they are trying to sell ads and services to the people being reviewed. Sites without that motive - chowhound, eater, grubstreet - are sites trafficked by foodies, and these are people who can judge a complaint for its veracity - and believe me, they are NOT kind to people who disparage their favorite places wantonly. I am so tired of restaurant owner's Googling their name and wailing like Sarah Palin at a spelling bee about all the bad stuff. What an unhappy marriage of stupidity and vanity - to think people are Googling you to see the bad things other have to say.

3) The people (a.k.a. "all my friends") to whom the shitsucker complains usually know that person is a shitsucker. Or - they themselves are shitsuckers and not people you want coming in. Notice the disproportionate number of deuces that fall into this category - who would want to dine out with these people?. Notice also than in a larger group, someone always apologizes for the behavior of the shitsucker.

4) Encouraging shitsuckers to return with little paper discount baubles only invites:

a) someone pre-disposed to have a bad time
b) a guaranteed lower check average

To promote this is idiocy is to do an injustice to your entire industry AND to the good diners. Why the hell isn't Freq or MiC the one's getting coupons? Aren't THEY the clientele you would want coming back? Reward stupidity and you will be called a fool.

When you bend over backwards trying to kiss someone's ass logic and gravity dictate you will fall down. How long you continue to do this is your shit. (sucker)

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Sometimes you just can't win

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bitter

Published on March 4th, 2010 10:11 PM Number of Views: 12098

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Dining

It's Friday night. Seven o'clock. Brand new chain restaurant in a backwater town. Two hour wait. I'm the certified trainer on the floor, with the busiest section. You get the idea. I approached the table with some trepidation. After all, we were only a week past the annual "make yourself a glutton" promotion at a rather well known Italian chain restaurant we'll just call the Oregano Farm to protect the guilty. I see before me a family which had become weekly regulars during the long running stress fest that is the "All You Can Eat, Write Your Own Menu" disaster. I hadn't had a chance to wait on them yet, but I'd seen them tearing through dozens of breadsticks in other sections. Five large and very hungry slices of middle America, all jammed into a booth. With a stifled sigh, I walk over to grab their drink order. Not a menu is open, and all five of them are looking a little panicky. "Good evening, my name is Karen, and I'll be your server..." ...

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Man and Fat Wifes Anniversary

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The Correspondent

Published on March 16th, 2008 09:37 PM Number of Views: 2380

"Robin"

The Sawmill Restaurant Edmonton, Alberta

Even though this couple was pleasant enough and given the royal treatment accompanied with free dessert because oh yeah, you were able to hold you marriage together for three years. Who Fuckin cares, they didn't see fit to leave me a dime on $150 and felt telling me I delivered great service and made their night memorable. I thought I would spice up their night by looking their number up in the reso book and calling that bitch up on her one night a year to get romantic sex and telling her fat ass that gravy is not a beverage.

You Get What You Pay For

by

bitter

Published on March 4th, 2010 10:19 PM Number of Views: 7444

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... and you don't get what you don't pay for. We don't take reservations for brunch. Most places don't for that matter and certainly none of the restaurants in our neighborhood do. It's like an unwritten code. Why don't we take reservations for brunch, you ask? None of your fucking business, I respond. But I will tell you anyway. Based on the observed habits of those walking in for brunch: ...

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Vampires of The F-Train

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bitter

Published on January 18th, 2010 10:18 PM Number of Views: 4310

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(this was originally published on the site several years ago but it's still relevant today)

The plight of the waiter has been getting a lot of press lately. From Frank Bruni’s insightful piece in the New York Times to CNN’s survery of server-run websites, the general public is getting more of an insight into the life of a waiter than they probably ever imagined. Or wanted. I mean, if you have to think of us as people, it’s hard to stiff us, right? Here’s a trick - ask a diner for their business card before you end the meal. Watch your tip go up.

So the public knows we work long hours, they know we depend on tips and they know that most of us are trying to do something else. Although I believe that last part is a crock of shit. Maybe we want to do something else, but trying it is entirely different. Many of us are complicit in the stagnation of our dreams. Or we re-write the scripts of our lives to accomodate the circumstances in which we have placed ourselves. That’s a topic for another day.
...

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