bitterwaitress

We don’t take reservations for brunch. Most places don’t for that matter and certainly none of the restaurants in our neighborhood do. It’s like an unwritten code. Why don’t we take reservations for brunch, you ask? None of your fucking business, I respond. But I will tell you anyway. Based on the observed habits of those walking in for brunch:

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The plight of the waiter has been getting a lot of press lately. From Frank Bruni’s insightful and slighlty delusional piece in the New York Times to CNN’s survery of server-run websites, the general public is getting more of an insight into the life of a waiter than they probably ever imagined. Or wanted. I mean, if you have to think of us as people, it’s hard to stiff us, right? Here’s a trick - ask a diner for their business card before you end the meal. Watch your tip go up.

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Looking Cool in the Coffee Shop!

Does anyone look cool sitting in a coffee shop any more? Did anyone ever in the first place? It’s a fact that some coffee shops are cooler than others. Everyone loves to bash Starbucks, but at least they pack in the seating. As often as not I’d rather forego the comfy vintage couch for a place to set my laptop. Like right now. Clearly assuming the handicap table and poaching Internet off the much smaller chain across the street. And then there’s the laptop itself. Outside of New York and Los Angeles, it seems that most people use these unattractive machines that bear names like Dell and HP. They are often hefty and have way too many holes in the back. Here in NYC that is not the case . Those glowing white apples everywhere. Like right here. With an iPhone next to it.

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- Restaurant reviews

- More coffee shop thoughts

- Perhaps some tax time advice

- More spite

Well, well, well. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on here with something to say. Fortunately for me, nothing ever changes in the restaurant business. It just gets stranger. Or maybe I’ve gotten more enlightened - or jaded, you decide - in my years.

So let’s tend to some old business. A few things to clear up:

To Mario. You let that twit James Danos fire me, then acted like it was all something mutual in the New Yorker piece. Give me a break. Sure, referring to me as a “know it all” is like referring to you as “slightly plump.” Anyway, loyalty and politics in this business makes the X-Files conspiracy seem simple.

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The Season of caring, the Season of sharing, the Season of idiots so distracted by showing off the over-priced shit they bought at F.A.O Schwartz that they lose an earring, a wallet, an iPod, their child.

 

I understand it’s stressful to lose something like a wallet. Actually, no I don’t. I’ve never lost my wallet in my life. Even while so drunk I careened down two flights of stairs onto the Broadway-Lafayette F-train platform (not an isolated event by any means). Even while hurridly dressing to get out of someone’s bedroom before our little tryst was discovered. Nope. Never (go ahead Fate, have your way with me). Maybe I never lost my wallet becuase that’s where I kept my coke.   

 

 

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“A chain-smoking grandmother comes in with two grandchildren. A girl and a boy in the age range of about 8-10 or so. It’s not busy and they get waited on right away. They put in orders for chicken fingers for the kids, etc. While waiting for their food, the children decide to make paper airplanes out of the paper placemats. I’m down front with a line at the cash register and at take-out, but I can see them. They make airplanes out of their placemats, then proceed to run around the place collecting placemats from unoccupied tables for more airplanes. Grandma smokes and ignores them. I fume. Once they’ve amassed a small battalion of airplanes, they commence running around and around as if they’re in a playground, throwing their airplanes everywhere while screeching, laughing and generally having themselves a great time getting in the way of servers and disturbing other patrons. Grandma continues to remain passive and unfazed….[read]“

 

“Mr. Gallagher is a frequent patron of the finer dining establishments in Cleveland, and well known amongst the servers as a “shitty tipper”. He is a consistent 12% tipper…[read]“